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Podcast: When Job Routines Disrupt Your Personal Life - Regaining balance and setting boundaries
Dec 19, 2024
Feeling like your job is taking over your personal life? You're not alone. In this video, we explore how professional routines can sneak into everyday moments, creating stress, tension, and even affecting your relationships. From over-correcting your family at dinner to staying stuck in "work mode" during your downtime, these habits can disrupt the balance we all crave.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. Join us as we dive into real-life examples and practical strategies to help you regain control. Learn how to set boundaries, build healthy rituals, and transform work habits into strengths you can use at home.
It’s time to take a step back, reclaim your personal time, and find harmony between work and life. Watch now and discover how to leave work at work—and bring your best self home.
🔔 Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share this video if it resonates with you!
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0:00
okay so have you ever been out with
0:02
friends or family yeah and like someone
0:05
just starts doing their work thing like
0:07
they can't switch it off you know what I
0:09
mean oh yeah absolutely I've got a
0:11
friend who a lawyer right and like every
0:13
time we watch a movie he's dissecting
0:15
the legal arguments and loopholes it's
0:17
like dude we're just trying to
0:20
relax like come on man exactly Saturday
0:23
night unwinded a little bit well this is
0:25
kind of what we're diving into today
0:27
this whole idea of like when your job or
0:30
maybe even just something you learned
0:31
really intensely follows you home right
0:33
it's called deoration professional did I
0:35
pronounce that even remotely close yeah
0:37
close enough you know it's a French term
0:39
so I always feel a little self-conscious
0:41
yeah I feel like I'm going to butcher it
0:42
so I'm not even going to try yeah it
0:43
basically means like your profession is
0:45
warping how you see things right and
0:47
we've got this really interesting
0:49
presentation that we're using as our
0:51
source material for this deep dive yeah
0:54
and the cool thing is it was actually
0:55
originally given to students so it's
0:57
designed to be super relatable and not
0:59
too AC mic or anything I like it already
1:01
like they get into these examples of a
1:02
soldier who's on vacation but he's still
1:04
like scanning for threats oh wow a
1:08
teacher who just can't stop correcting
1:09
their family at the dinner table oh
1:11
That's a classic and even like someone
1:13
who took driver's headed and now they do
1:14
this super weird thing wait what I'm not
1:17
going to spoil it we'll get to that one
1:18
later okay you got to keep me hooked
1:19
yeah you'll love it so before we jump
1:22
into all the juicy examples yeah let's
1:24
maybe start by like defining what this
1:27
deformation professional thing actually
1:29
is all right so it's basically this idea
1:31
that like the roles we have in our jobs
1:34
or you know even just skills we learn
1:36
from really intense experiences MH they
1:40
start to kind of seep into our personal
1:41
lives right like they're spilling over
1:43
exactly and it's not always a bad thing
1:46
right like sometimes it can be helpful
1:47
for sure but sometimes it can be super
1:49
awkward or even kind of problematic
1:53
totally like imagine a surgeon who
1:55
brings their super sterile habits to a
1:58
barbecue ooh yeah be a little much you
2:00
know like scrubbing everything down
2:02
right like hey man chill out we're just
2:04
trying to have some fun exactly so yeah
2:06
finding that balance is key so how does
2:08
this whole thing actually happen like
2:10
what's going on in our brains well our
2:12
brains are basically efficiency machines
2:15
right like they love to create shortcuts
2:17
and routines okay so when we spend a ton
2:20
of time doing something like for our job
2:22
or even just a hobby we're really
2:24
passionate about M our brains are like
2:27
okay this is important let's streamline
2:29
this process automatic exactly and
2:31
that's great for work yeah right like
2:33
you become more productive you can make
2:35
decisions faster you're in the zone yeah
2:38
but sometimes those same automatic
2:40
responses those shortcuts They Don't
2:43
Really translate so well to other parts
2:44
of our Lives it's like they
2:45
overgeneralize yeah exactly so that's
2:47
where those funny or awkward situations
2:49
can pop up exactly like that driver ed
2:51
example I mentioned oh yeah you got tell
2:53
me about that one okay so picture this
2:55
you're learning to drive you're super
2:57
focused on doing everything right right
2:59
it got to be safe and you practice
3:01
buckling your seat Bel like a million
3:03
times yeah I become second nature right
3:05
so then you pass your test you're all
3:07
excited you get your license you hop on
3:09
your bicycle oh and you instinctively
3:12
reach for a seat belt I can totally see
3:14
that happening right like your brain's
3:16
on autopilot it's like okay got to
3:19
buggle up this muscle memory gone wrong
3:21
yeah but in a funny way okay so that's a
3:24
harmless example I'm guessing it's not
3:27
always so funny definitely not yeah like
3:29
let's take the soldier on vacation okay
3:31
yeah the presentation mentioned that one
3:33
so this guy he was like an elite soldier
3:35
Special Forces or something yeah
3:37
something like that yeah and he's on
3:38
vacation with his family trying to relax
3:41
yeah exactly they're at a shopping mall
3:43
oh pretty normal but he can't chill out
3:46
he's constantly scanning the crowd
3:48
looking for exits yeah checking for
3:50
potential threats oh wow like his
3:53
training just kicked in it's like his
3:54
brain is still in combat mode totally
3:57
even though he's consciously trying to
3:59
enjoy his time with his family that's
4:01
kind of sad it is like his
4:03
hypervigilance is preventing him from
4:07
fully being present and connecting with
4:09
his loved ones exactly and I think
4:11
that's a really important point that the
4:13
context where we learn these skills it
4:16
really matters right it shapes how those
4:18
skills manifest totally okay so we've
4:20
got the soldier who's a little too
4:22
Vigilant yeah what about the teacher at
4:25
the dinner table you mentioned that one
4:27
too oh yeah that's a good one I think a
4:30
lot of people can relate to that for
4:31
sure especially if you've ever had a
4:32
teacher in your family right so this
4:35
teacher they just can't seem to turn off
4:37
teacher mode even when they're at home
4:39
even at the dinner table like with their
4:40
own family Yep they're constantly
4:42
correcting people explaining things like
4:45
giving a pop quiz right it's like
4:47
they're stuck in that role and everyone
4:49
else is like oh come on can we just eat
4:51
our dinner in peace yeah exactly so
4:54
what's going on there like why can't
4:56
they just switch it off I think it
4:57
speaks to this larger idea about the PS
4:59
ology of deformation
5:01
professional it's not always a conscious
5:03
choice you know right sometimes these
5:06
habits they become so ingrained like
5:07
they're on autopilot exactly right and I
5:10
think a part of our identity gets tied
5:12
to those professional roles so it's not
5:15
just about skills or knowledge it's
5:17
about how we see ourselves exactly and
5:20
how we interact with the world okay I'm
5:22
starting to get it yeah and the
5:24
challenge like the presentation talks
5:25
about is finding that balance right
5:28
because we don't want to erase those
5:30
skills or deny those parts of ourselves
5:33
no not at all but we also don't want
5:34
them to take over our personal lives and
5:36
like mess up our relationships exactly
5:38
so how do we find that balance that's
5:40
the million-dollar question and I'm
5:42
guessing it's not a simple answer
5:44
definitely not there's no one size
5:45
fits-all solution but I'm sure we'll get
5:47
into some helpful strategies as we dive
5:49
deeper into this absolutely we've got
5:51
some great insights coming up all right
5:52
I'm ready let's do it you know it's
5:55
interesting though because sometimes
5:56
those professional skills they can
5:59
actually be helpful in our personal
6:00
lives right it's not are all bad yeah
6:02
like that teacher with their explaining
6:04
skills that could come in handy when
6:06
you're like helping your kid with their
6:07
homework or trying to assemble some Ikea
6:10
furniture exactly or that Soldier who's
6:12
always alert yeah that could be helpful
6:14
in certain situations like if you're
6:15
walking alone at night or something
6:17
right being aware of your surroundings
6:19
yeah so it's not about getting rid of
6:21
those skills completely it's about using
6:23
them strategically exactly knowing when
6:25
they're appropriate and when to maybe
6:27
dial them back a bit so mindfulness this
6:29
is key totally okay so we've talked
6:31
about how these professional
6:33
deformations happen yeah we've seen some
6:36
funny and not so funny examples right
6:38
now the big question is yeah how do we
6:41
manage this how do we prevent those work
6:45
habits from taking over our lives right
6:47
because nobody wants to be that person
6:49
at the party you know the one who's
6:50
always talking shop or correcting
6:53
everyone's grammar yeah exactly so what
6:55
can we do well the presentation actually
6:58
offers some really helpful strategy
7:00
okay I'm all ears one of the key things
7:02
they emphasize is creating rituals or
7:05
routines rituals yeah like little things
7:07
you do to Signal a clear transition from
7:10
work to personal time oh I like that
7:13
like a mental switch exactly it could be
7:16
something as simple as changing clothes
7:18
when you get home okay or taking a few
7:21
deep breaths listening to some music
7:24
during your commute right create that
7:26
separation yeah basically anything that
7:28
helps you shift gear years so it's like
7:30
you're intentionally leaving work behind
7:33
exactly you're telling your brain okay
7:35
it's time to relax now I've noticed that
7:37
for me if I like immediately check my
7:39
work email when I get home yeah it's
7:41
harder to unwind totally like you're
7:44
still plugged in right so maybe putting
7:46
my phone away in a drawer could be my
7:48
ritual that's a great idea out of sight
7:50
out of mind exactly okay so rituals are
7:52
helpful what else can we do another
7:54
really valuable tool is feedback
7:57
feedback yeah like from people we trust
7:59
yeah because sometimes we're not even
8:00
aware of our own blind spots right we
8:03
need that outside perspective exactly so
8:06
talking to our partners our friends our
8:08
family they can tell us when we're being
8:10
a little too worky yeah like if we're
8:12
using jargon that nobody understands
8:14
we're being overly critical or just not
8:17
really being
8:19
present that could be tough to hear it
8:22
can be but it's so valuable because it
8:24
helps us see ourselves more clearly
8:26
exactly and then we can start to make
8:28
changes okay so rituals and feedback
8:30
those are two great tools what about
8:32
like actual mindfulness practices oh
8:35
yeah those are super helpful too because
8:36
I know mindfulness is all about being
8:38
present right being aware of our
8:40
thoughts and feelings and our bodies
8:42
exactly and that can be really helpful
8:44
for catching those professional
8:46
deformations like how well imagine
8:48
you're at a family dinner okay and you
8:51
notice that you're feeling really tense
8:53
okay your shoulders are tight your jaw
8:55
is clenched those physical Sensations
8:58
could be a sign that that you're
8:59
bringing work stress into your personal
9:01
life even if you're not consciously
9:03
thinking about work exactly your body is
9:05
giving you a clue wow I never thought
9:07
about it like that yeah so paying
9:09
attention to those physical Sensations
9:11
can be really helpful it's like an early
9:13
warning system totally it's like hey you
9:15
slipping back into work mode time to
9:16
shift gears exactly so we've got
9:19
rituals feedback and mindfulness yeah
9:23
that's a pretty solid toolkit it is and
9:26
I think the key takeaway here is that
9:28
yeah it's all about a awareness
9:30
awareness of our habits yeah of how our
9:32
work is influencing us and once we have
9:34
that awareness then we can start to make
9:36
conscious choices about how we want to
9:38
show up in different parts of our Lives
9:41
exactly this is really making me think
9:42
about some of my own habits me too I'm
9:45
definitely guilty of bringing work home
9:46
sometimes yeah we all do it but I think
9:48
just being aware of it is a huge step
9:51
right it's the first step towards change
9:53
totally okay so we've talked about how
9:56
to manage those professional
9:58
deformations yeah but I want to Circle
10:00
back to something you mentioned earlier
10:01
about how these skills can actually be
10:04
Assets in our personal lives right
10:06
because it's not all bad yeah so how do
10:08
we find that sweet spot that's a great
10:11
question where those professional skills
10:13
are actually helping us yeah without
10:15
taking over like I'm imagining that
10:17
surgeon with their super sterile habits
10:20
yeah maybe they're the one who always
10:21
cleans up after a
10:23
barbecue and everyone's grateful right
10:26
so it's not always a bad thing
10:28
definitely not it's about using those
10:30
skills intentionally exactly so how do
10:32
we do that how do we take those
10:34
strengths we've honed at work yeah and
10:36
apply them in a way that actually
10:38
benefits our personal lives that's where
10:40
things get really interesting well it's
10:42
all about being mindful right right like
10:44
you said it's not about using a
10:46
sledgehammer for every problem it's
10:49
about choosing the right tool for the
10:50
job exactly so like let's say someone's
10:52
a software engineer they're amazing at
10:55
like breaking down complex systems and
10:58
finding Solutions
10:59
how can they apply that at home without
11:01
being like super annoying well instead
11:03
of trying to optimize every family
11:04
decision right like with a spreadsheet
11:06
or something yeah exactly they could use
11:08
those skills to help their kid with a
11:10
math problem okay or like research the
11:13
best vacation options for a family trip
11:15
right or even just troubleshoot a broken
11:17
appliance yeah make themselves useful
11:19
exactly it's about channeling those
11:21
analytical Powers into something
11:23
productive right instead of just being
11:25
controlling yeah exactly okay that makes
11:27
sense what about someone who's really
11:29
persuasive like they work in sales oh
11:32
yeah they could use those skills to
11:34
advocate for a cause they care about
11:36
okay or help a friend through a tough
11:39
situation or even just Express their
11:42
love and appreciation for their family
11:44
oh that's sweet right it's about using
11:46
those communication skills for good I
11:49
like that using our powers for good
11:51
exactly so it's not about getting rid of
11:53
those professional skills I at all it's
11:55
about being aware of them and using them
11:57
consciously exactly this has been such a
12:00
fascinating conversation no right this
12:02
really makes you think it does and I
12:04
think the biggest takeaway for me is
12:06
that we're not just our jobs we're
12:08
complex human beings with all sorts of
12:10
skills and experiences and those skills
12:12
and experiences they can shape Us in
12:14
both positive and negative ways exactly
12:17
so it's up to us to be aware of those
12:19
influences and make conscious choices
12:21
about how we want to live our lives well
12:23
said so to wrap things up we want to
12:25
leave you with a question to ponder okay
12:28
what's one professional habit you might
12:30
want to leave at work tonight ooh that's
12:32
a good one and what's one skill you can
12:34
use to make your personal life even
12:36
better I love that take a moment to
12:39
think about it yeah and until next time
12:41
keep those brains curious and those work
12:44
habits in check
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